Yeah. This is my first journal, so bear with me if it ain't interesting, as I'm new to this stuff xP.

Well. . . Another year has gone by, another Christmas I spent without most of my family or friends. I've spent most of the nights awake thinking about my brothers and sisters, wondering how they are getting along. They are all younger than me, as I am 17, while they are 1 year and up. Oldest being 5. My two brothers, Alisdair (5) and Iain (1), and sister, Sarah (3). I long to see them once more, but from feuds me and my mom had beforehand, for a long time, that will never happen again until the three siblings are too old to remember me.

I lost grandparents at Christmas time past. Not the one we just had, but the ones beforehand and I have been drinking my sorrows away with Wine for the last few weeks. My liver itself is holding, but I'm not sure of it's condition.

I have lost contact with all my aunts and uncles, all because of my real mother. The fact that day after day when I had to live with her, she always said with complete venom, no matter what I did, that I was an accident and was never supposed to happen. If it weren't for my dad I wouldn't have been here today.

I was close to committing suicide many times in my life. Everytime it was thwarted. First few times by my dad, and when he wasn't there anymore as he had gotten sick of my mother, it was friends who stood out and protected me. Years passed, and I had passed through many schools cos I got expelled for truancy, violence or not paying attention in class. The teachers and Principals had no idea what I was going through. All this did was give me wrong impressions of everything. I had been going through many rough times as I was growing up.

The one and only school I have to admit I looked up to and enjoyed was Hillside School, in Scotland. This was the only one I paid attention to and got all my qualifications. The staff were understanding of me and the students were really good friends. It was here, I met my best friend ever, and I was only 14 at the time mind. Missing over 2 years of school prior.

Yes, me and my best mate had similar problems, and we had very much in common besides that. Now, I would be even happier if I still had his number as I have lost it since my phone died. But, I guess it's too late now. When he wants to, he will phone me and thus I will be able to get his number again.

But as they say, out with the old, in with the new. The old, is my past sorrows. The new is my future sorrows, only to be filled with more pain.

So, yes. Look out for more up to date journals from me. They should be less gloom filled.